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2421Y00F07futurax24Y00C2NREADING 97: POLISHING THE TURDS
2406Y00C3NPart 1 of 2
1518Y00F04ruby15Y00C4NFishboy of Panda
0820Y00F11microknight08N
0806Y00C5N(The opinions of Fishboy do not strictly co-incide with those of the Panda
0801Ngroup. Any strange errors in this article can be put down to the fact that
0801NFishboy owns a Queers LP and a Teenage Fanclub shirt.)
0801N
0806Y00C6N- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
0801N!Official Panda Reading Report! Official Panda Reading Report! Official Panda
0801N- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
0801N
0801NThis article details the 1997 Panda festival vacation. This year Reading
0801Nfestival. Among others Cachet, Fishboy, Jude, Mr Kevin, Jasper, Chris and
0801NDave attended. Read on.
0801N
0801N- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
0801NReading Report! Official Panda Reading Report! Official Panda Reading Report!
0801N- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
0806Y01C1N
0801NTHURSDAY: (travel)
0801N
0801NOn arriving at Preston bus station
0801N
0801NWe had to change coach somewhere like Birmingham (began B, I know that much).
0801NAs our bags were loaded onto the coach me and Jass did Tim Armstrong (out of
0801NRancid) impressions. To be honest we probably should'nt have shouted "pick
0801Nit up, pick it up, pick it up" as the coach driver was loading our bags
0801N'cause he turned his greasy, emaciated frame round and said in a thick
0801Nmexican (?) accent
0801N"Theeseee Theengs Weigh 30 kilos eeeach!". Obviously an immense weight for a
0801Ngreasy mexican with a sunken emaciated frame.
0801N
0801NWhen we got on the coach he started trying to chat up these girls sat infront
0801Nof us:
0801N"Wheree aree you from leetleee gerrlls!?". The sick fuck.
0801N
0801NAt this point we realised that only Jude, Me and Jass had actually managed to
0801Nget on the coach. Deprived of the company of the others Jude immediatly
0801Ndeveloped some wierdass unity craving mental disorder: "Ben is one of us. No.
0801NNo he's not. Yes he is. But no... And what of Chris? Can he be one of us? Is
0801Nhe already?"
0801N
0801NAt some point in the journey somebody said to Jude
0801N"Someone at the back needs a piss, pass it on". So I said to the girls
0801Nsitting infront of me
0801N"Someone at the back needs...". And then I realised that I sounded like some
0801Ndumbfuck primary school kid on a
0801N"Andys gay! Pass it on!" tip. So I got really embarrased but one of them
0801Nturned to the coach driver and said:
0801N"Someone needs to piss" and he was like:
0801N"Nooo! Fool! I cannot stop theee coach! El Gringo has his bandeet hordee
0801Nwaiteeng to ambush meee!" or something.
0801N
0801NWhen we got to Reading we waited for the others in the car park acutely aware
0801Nthat they might have got there before us and wandered off. In order to find
0801Nthe others I attempted to think like Mr Kevin to find out what he would do in
0801Nsuch a situation. Eventually I concluded he would most likely be waiting for
0801Nus outside the ice cream van. "Because" I thought, Kev style, "Everybody
0801Nlikes Ice cream!".
0801N
0801NThey weren't there. Eventually their coach pulled in and we were reunited. A
0801Nquick tent pitch later and we were ready to go into reading town centre in a
0801Nsearch of alcohol, a stereo, and some lameass fake T-shits.
0801N
0801NLager aquired Mr Kevin and Chris went to get a stereo while we waited on some
0801Nconviently placed concrete slab.
0801N
0801NTime passes...
0801N
0801NWhen Chris and Mr Kevin finally return they are carrying Mc Donalds
0801Ntakeaways. This, the rest of us felt, was not part of the:
0801N"We'll wait here in the freezing cold while you run with the speed of the
0801Nwind to get a stereo and come back before the moon has set" type agreement we
0801Nmade when they left. So consequently we went into the first cafe that had a
0801N"No Alcohol on Premisis!" sign and made them wait outside with the lager
0801Nwhile it pissed it down. Mr Kevin threatened to leave, so I bought his
0801Nworthless loyalty with a cup of tea.
0801N
0801NWe got back to the campsite and immediatly set up the speakers Mr Kevin and
0801NChris had got dirt cheap from HMV. They sucked. A quick vote between the
0801Ngroup confirmed we should listen to DFL or Rancid but Melee made us hear
0801NCradle Of Filth anyway. We started trading firewood for weed (although I was
0801Nnon too sober at the time and it could have been anything) with some bloke in
0801Na nearby tent. Jude takes first drag. He does'nt keel over. For safety I do
0801Na Bill Clinton ("People of America! I did not inhale!") but as it is passed
0801Nround again and nobody has choked or anything I ease up and start taking it
0801Nback. It was pretty weak anyway so I had just been a lamer for no good
0801Nreason. Anyway, at this point Jass and Mr Kevin revealed their antisocial
0801Ngroup smoking habits. Jass covered the end of the joint in his own saliva
0801Nand Mr Kevin just ran off with it, returning about ten minutes later dragging
0801Nfrantically on a withererd stump that was burning at his manky, yellow,
0801Nstained fingers.
0801N
0801NAt this point the rest of Dave's vodka was downed and Jude was fucked. He
0801Nthen began to do this psychological analysis of the relationship between Ben
0801Nand Ben's girlfriend. This indepth counselling was broken only on those
0801Noccasions where Jude chose to scream
0801N"Thats Oasis! Thats Oasis!" at the radio at random intervals. Jude got
0801Ngradually worse and ended up hugging Ben whoose face went a really wierd red
0801Ncolour (like he had internal bleeding or something).
0801N
0801NAt one point Jude tried to stand up but fell on Jass and Ben's tent. He lay
0801Nthere screaming:
0801N"ITS BIS! ITS BIS!" at the radio and dragging anyone who got too close into a
0801Nbonecrunching embrace. Eventually we got him to stand and took him on a walk
0801Nto sober him up. Except everybody fucked off the moment me and Melee's backs
0801Nwere turned and we ended up trying to find the tent again with a severely
0801Npissed Jude staggering behind saying:
0801N"I really got through to Ben, I really got through to him!"
0801N
0801N***
0801N
0801NAt this point in time I got up to go to the toilet. After this I remember
0801Nnothing.
0801N
0801N
0801NFRIDAY: (1st day)
0801N
0801NA full line up of punk bands on the Vans stage. Yay. This had the potential
0801Nto be the best day of the festival. Except when you wake up around ten
0801No'clock, face down in the dirt and still pissed from last night while
0801Neverybody laughs as you try to stand and end up in a toilet cubicle wishing
0801Nfor all the world you could piss, shit or vomit yet knowing all the while
0801Nthat nothing will come out and that you will spend the day scared shitless of
0801Ndoing all three by accident in the mosh pit. Not Yay.
0801N
0801NMr Kevin still wasn't talking to Jass after the "First puff behind the bike
0801Nshed" accusations of last night. Which I suspect Mr Kevin took in a slightly
0801Nmore sexual connotation then originally intended.
0801N
0801N
0801NTHE PERIOD PAINS: [Okay Fishboy hasn't actually written this bit yet! In
0801Ntruth this article is not a 100% job, but seeing this is the most complete
0801Nversion I have of it I thought it was worthwhile printing it while the
0801NReading festival 1997 was at least still a recent memory - Jude]
0801N
0801N
0801NSPY 51: Instantly forgettable Indie Punk stuff. Destined forever to be
0801Nremembered only by the statement: "Who was that band we saw at Reading? Agent
0801N32 or something...". Not bad I guess.
0801N
0801N
0801NFOUNTAINS OF WAYNE: Are great and always will be. Even though they sound like
0801Nthey're named after some obscure Californian porn film or something.
0801NFountains Of Wayne no doubt could have been big on British radio if it wasn't
0801Nfor Radio 1's "sensible" playlist choosing procedure.
0801N
0801NEXEC 1: We need big bouncy summer pop song with thrashy guitars.
0801NEXEC 2: Fountains Of Wayne.
0801NEXEC 1: No, they sound like some obscure Californian porn film. Lets put Bis
0801N on instead.
0801N
0801N
0801NKENICKIE: "Hey!" I said, "Who wants to go see Kenickie with me?".
0801N "We'd rather bleed" replied everyone except Jude. Their loss.
0801N
0801NA: I didn't see all of A's set on account of the fact that they were shit. On
0801Nrecord A come across as some sick misinterpretation of Happy Hardcore by a
0801Nbunch of punk kids. On stage however they come out like Bis meet Black Flag.
0801NSo sorry so.
0801N
0801N
0801NTHE JON SPENCER BLUES EXPLOSION: This was a fifty minute set. But me and Jude
0801Nfell asleep in the middle awoken only by some insane harmonica solo. The
0801Ngenius behind the Blues Explosion seems to consist of screaming: "ITS THE
0801NBLUEEZZ EXPLOZZION!" every now and then. Good.
0801N
0801N
0801NDANCE HALL CRASHERS: The first song sounded like No Doubt so I made a face
0801Nlike someone chewing a wasp. Then Jass confirmed that the second guitarist
0801Nwas Tim Armstrong out of Rancid and then they played some good ska songs and
0801Nstuff. These were probably the best band I saw on Friday.
0801N
0801N
0801NBLINK 182: Er... I really liked them but everybody else fell asleep.
0801N
0801N
0801NJOHN SHUTTLEWORTH: No words needed.
0801N
0801N
0801NAt this point I had to go and shit. And then I felt really ill so I went back
0801Nto the tent and missed Jonathen Fire * Eater and Millencolin. After Suede
0801Nfinished Jude and Dave came back jubliant because they had seen radio 1 DJ
0801NSteve Lamaqc. Jude said the following:
0801N"His cheekbones are disgusting and so is the back of his head".
0801N
0801N
0801NFor the events of saturday and sunday, plus the final hours and the trip
0801Nhome, load part 2 of this article...
*!EOF